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wobblerlorriOkay, some people may find this insensitive, but that's just too damn bad.
I was a bullied kid. I was the Official Fat Kid, then in middle and high school I was the Official Fat Girl. I had few friends, and no boyfriends throughout school, except for the gay ex, who had issues of his own. We were a couple in 10th grade (he was in 9th), and when he moved at the end of the year, I didn't have another boyfriend until we ran into each other at junior college.
I had shit put in my locker, literal shit. I had dog shit put in my desk in elementary school. I had "Kick Me" signs stuck on my back. I had songs made up about me. I was always picked last for any choose-up sports. I had pictures drawn on the chalkboard making fun of me. Once I couldn't take it anymore, got up, shoved a movie projector out of the way, and left for the bathroom. I met the teacher on the way, he asked what was wrong, and I told him to ask them. I didn't come back for the rest of the period.
In short, my life was pure living hell. No teachers intervened. My parents just told me to try harder to make friends. Friends from one year became tormenters the next. I considered suicide often, but I had my horses, my cats and my dogs, and I talked to them and cried many tears into their manes and coats. I could lose myself riding my horses, with the breeze in my hair and the powerful animal beneath me, both of us racing the wind and running faster than any of the "popular" girls could ever have run. I wasn't the slow fat girl when I was on Rex, or Tracy, or Showgirl.
My dogs and cats loved me unconditionally, but every night I cried myself to sleep, wondering if anyone would ever love me like a boy loves a girl.
I know I was horrifically scarred by that experience. I didn't trust anyone's offer of friendship or male interest -- I believed they were just trying to set me up for another cruel joke. I'm sure I missed out on some boyfriends in college because I couldn't read the signs. I still have no conception of how to flirt. I'm probably the least feminine woman around, because I never learned to wear makeup (I would have been teased unmercifully for daring to do something so feminine), I never learned how to flirt, I don't know how to "act" like a female. I'm pretty much androgynous.
My son Patrick was horribly bullied in school, too. At least I was more pro-active, and I'd go up to the school and ask them why they weren't intervening in this sort of thing when it would get ridiculously out of hand (someone actually tried to set fire to him once -- the teacher told Patrick just to get back in line and ignore the firebug). The school never did jack shit, and his entire high school time was torture. A parent can only do so much, the school has to step in when the bullying starts. Patrick didn't have any friends to speak of either, just the girl he'd grown up with up the road. He decided not to attend his graduation; that was fine with me, because I knew what he'd gone through -- but the school asked us both to come for a conference, at which they tried to convince him to walk, because (as the coach said) "This is the best time of your life, you'll really regret not walking." I told the coach that was sad, if 4 years in your late teen years were the best years you could look back on over a 90 year lifespan...
I told them that I was a bullied kid, too, and I had tried to get the teachers, the counselors, and the principal to step in when it was happening to Patrick, but they couldn't be bothered. Now he was finally getting free of this hell, and they wanted him to come back One More Time to run the gauntlet? I said if he wanted to get his diploma through the mail that was his business, and I supported him in whatever he wanted to do.
We went to a local steakhouse that night and enjoyed big thick steaks. Patrick much preferred that to whatever special hell had been planned for him that night at graduation.
Now it appears that the torment gay kids suffer is becoming a national rallying point. This is great. What makes me nail-biting mad though is the spotlight is only on bullying gay kids, not bullying in general. As if no other group of kids is bullied in school.
This Is Wrong. The ENTIRE spectrum of bullying must be addressed. It can NOT be divided into types of bullying. Fat kids, gay kids, kids with disabilities, anyone who is different from the rest of the herd is a target, and they are ALL bullied. Many (who knows how many?) believe there is no way out except suicide. Others are lucky enough to have sympathetic parents, relatives, or friends who help them become inured to the bullying. Others (like me) become isolated and prefer the company of animals to that of people.
All of them suffer a severe blow to self-esteem, confidence, and social skills. All of them need the help and intervention of parents and the school. But my worry is that only GLBT kids will get that help and intervention. The rest of the unwashed targets, the fat, the ugly, the weird, the disabled, the misfits, will just get the bullying that the GLBT kids will be saved from.
And that's not right. Maybe some of you think I'm saying "why free the GLBT kids if the others are still bullied?" That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying "ALL bullied kids must be saved from bullying. NO BULLYING SHOULD BE ALLOWED IN ANY SCHOOL, FOR ANY REASON."
If you think this would take some of the speshul shine off GLBT kids and their issues, well that's just too damn bad. All bullied kids should get a break, not just the GLBT ones because they're the flavor of the month.
I was a bullied kid. I was the Official Fat Kid, then in middle and high school I was the Official Fat Girl. I had few friends, and no boyfriends throughout school, except for the gay ex, who had issues of his own. We were a couple in 10th grade (he was in 9th), and when he moved at the end of the year, I didn't have another boyfriend until we ran into each other at junior college.
I had shit put in my locker, literal shit. I had dog shit put in my desk in elementary school. I had "Kick Me" signs stuck on my back. I had songs made up about me. I was always picked last for any choose-up sports. I had pictures drawn on the chalkboard making fun of me. Once I couldn't take it anymore, got up, shoved a movie projector out of the way, and left for the bathroom. I met the teacher on the way, he asked what was wrong, and I told him to ask them. I didn't come back for the rest of the period.
In short, my life was pure living hell. No teachers intervened. My parents just told me to try harder to make friends. Friends from one year became tormenters the next. I considered suicide often, but I had my horses, my cats and my dogs, and I talked to them and cried many tears into their manes and coats. I could lose myself riding my horses, with the breeze in my hair and the powerful animal beneath me, both of us racing the wind and running faster than any of the "popular" girls could ever have run. I wasn't the slow fat girl when I was on Rex, or Tracy, or Showgirl.
My dogs and cats loved me unconditionally, but every night I cried myself to sleep, wondering if anyone would ever love me like a boy loves a girl.
I know I was horrifically scarred by that experience. I didn't trust anyone's offer of friendship or male interest -- I believed they were just trying to set me up for another cruel joke. I'm sure I missed out on some boyfriends in college because I couldn't read the signs. I still have no conception of how to flirt. I'm probably the least feminine woman around, because I never learned to wear makeup (I would have been teased unmercifully for daring to do something so feminine), I never learned how to flirt, I don't know how to "act" like a female. I'm pretty much androgynous.
My son Patrick was horribly bullied in school, too. At least I was more pro-active, and I'd go up to the school and ask them why they weren't intervening in this sort of thing when it would get ridiculously out of hand (someone actually tried to set fire to him once -- the teacher told Patrick just to get back in line and ignore the firebug). The school never did jack shit, and his entire high school time was torture. A parent can only do so much, the school has to step in when the bullying starts. Patrick didn't have any friends to speak of either, just the girl he'd grown up with up the road. He decided not to attend his graduation; that was fine with me, because I knew what he'd gone through -- but the school asked us both to come for a conference, at which they tried to convince him to walk, because (as the coach said) "This is the best time of your life, you'll really regret not walking." I told the coach that was sad, if 4 years in your late teen years were the best years you could look back on over a 90 year lifespan...
I told them that I was a bullied kid, too, and I had tried to get the teachers, the counselors, and the principal to step in when it was happening to Patrick, but they couldn't be bothered. Now he was finally getting free of this hell, and they wanted him to come back One More Time to run the gauntlet? I said if he wanted to get his diploma through the mail that was his business, and I supported him in whatever he wanted to do.
We went to a local steakhouse that night and enjoyed big thick steaks. Patrick much preferred that to whatever special hell had been planned for him that night at graduation.
Now it appears that the torment gay kids suffer is becoming a national rallying point. This is great. What makes me nail-biting mad though is the spotlight is only on bullying gay kids, not bullying in general. As if no other group of kids is bullied in school.
This Is Wrong. The ENTIRE spectrum of bullying must be addressed. It can NOT be divided into types of bullying. Fat kids, gay kids, kids with disabilities, anyone who is different from the rest of the herd is a target, and they are ALL bullied. Many (who knows how many?) believe there is no way out except suicide. Others are lucky enough to have sympathetic parents, relatives, or friends who help them become inured to the bullying. Others (like me) become isolated and prefer the company of animals to that of people.
All of them suffer a severe blow to self-esteem, confidence, and social skills. All of them need the help and intervention of parents and the school. But my worry is that only GLBT kids will get that help and intervention. The rest of the unwashed targets, the fat, the ugly, the weird, the disabled, the misfits, will just get the bullying that the GLBT kids will be saved from.
And that's not right. Maybe some of you think I'm saying "why free the GLBT kids if the others are still bullied?" That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying "ALL bullied kids must be saved from bullying. NO BULLYING SHOULD BE ALLOWED IN ANY SCHOOL, FOR ANY REASON."
If you think this would take some of the speshul shine off GLBT kids and their issues, well that's just too damn bad. All bullied kids should get a break, not just the GLBT ones because they're the flavor of the month.
