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More Random Wobbler Thoughts
3/31/05 04:12 pmI'm currently in rehab at Emory University in Atlanta, at the Dizziness and Balance Center. That's also where I've undergone all the high-powered testing to make sure I really do have bilateral vestibulopathy (rotary chair, dynamic posturagraphy, caloric testing, ENG, and others I don't remember the names of). The rehab is supposed to last six weeks, or six sessions, and I've been to three so far.
I was thinking about the rehab yesterday, and realized something (don't know if it applies to all forms of rehab for conditions that won't ever go away): I'm not learning how to cope with the dysequilibrium so much as I'm learning how to hide it so that I appear more "normal". In other words, I'll always stagger around if I don't use the tools learned in rehab; I'll never have unconscious balance again. The rehab is teaching me how to mask the conscious effort I'm putting forth, so that to the observer I walk relatively normally.
Now my question is, how much of this is for my benefit, and how much for that of society? Walking with 2 canes and no rehab works as well as no canes with rehab, truth be told better because with 2 canes I don't get as tired as quickly. But seeing someone gait around with 2 canes is more disturbing to the average person than seeing someone who has a little bit of a hitch in their giddy-up.
Ditto for exercises to "improve" my ability to focus on things and cancel head movement. My neck muscles are getting stronger so that I can hold my head still for longer, but I don't see any better. I still get tired and have to lay my head on something in order to rest my head. But I look more "normal".
Just some thoughts. I guess I'm mostly afraid that I'll get "better" enough that SSD will deny me, when the problem is still there, just as big and bad as it ever was (truth be told, it's gotten worse in the last week or so). I might can walk without my canes, but I don't have the stability to carry anything -- the shift in center of gravity throws me off balance and I go careering off into the nearest obstacle.
Last night Mike and I went to the Super Wal-Mart IN THE DARK! I haven't been out in a vehicle at night since this happened, and I was amazed at how DARK it is at night. My night vision has been affected, and walking in the dark is a joke. Even the light from the streetlights didn't look right -- it's as if there's the light source, then the light on the pavement, but nothing between the light and the pavement is illuminated. Very strange. I kept wanting to tell Mike to turn on the brights, because the headlights didn't look bright enough and it seemed to me that he was outrunning his lights.
Weird how much your vestibular system affects your vision, in ways you wouldn't even think of.
Lorri
I was thinking about the rehab yesterday, and realized something (don't know if it applies to all forms of rehab for conditions that won't ever go away): I'm not learning how to cope with the dysequilibrium so much as I'm learning how to hide it so that I appear more "normal". In other words, I'll always stagger around if I don't use the tools learned in rehab; I'll never have unconscious balance again. The rehab is teaching me how to mask the conscious effort I'm putting forth, so that to the observer I walk relatively normally.
Now my question is, how much of this is for my benefit, and how much for that of society? Walking with 2 canes and no rehab works as well as no canes with rehab, truth be told better because with 2 canes I don't get as tired as quickly. But seeing someone gait around with 2 canes is more disturbing to the average person than seeing someone who has a little bit of a hitch in their giddy-up.
Ditto for exercises to "improve" my ability to focus on things and cancel head movement. My neck muscles are getting stronger so that I can hold my head still for longer, but I don't see any better. I still get tired and have to lay my head on something in order to rest my head. But I look more "normal".
Just some thoughts. I guess I'm mostly afraid that I'll get "better" enough that SSD will deny me, when the problem is still there, just as big and bad as it ever was (truth be told, it's gotten worse in the last week or so). I might can walk without my canes, but I don't have the stability to carry anything -- the shift in center of gravity throws me off balance and I go careering off into the nearest obstacle.
Last night Mike and I went to the Super Wal-Mart IN THE DARK! I haven't been out in a vehicle at night since this happened, and I was amazed at how DARK it is at night. My night vision has been affected, and walking in the dark is a joke. Even the light from the streetlights didn't look right -- it's as if there's the light source, then the light on the pavement, but nothing between the light and the pavement is illuminated. Very strange. I kept wanting to tell Mike to turn on the brights, because the headlights didn't look bright enough and it seemed to me that he was outrunning his lights.
Weird how much your vestibular system affects your vision, in ways you wouldn't even think of.
Lorri
