Major Life Change draws nearer
4/8/05 06:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wobblerlorriWell, today the vet was out to write health certificates on my last two horses -- Good Spot Mare and her month old colt will be heading for Brookneal, VA at the end of next week, and pretty silly filly Bambi will be on her way to Sigel, IL the last weekend this month. Joe Man the stallion went to PA earlier this year and Gracie Spotsdottir went to FL the same weekend. After that all my beloved equines will be gone. And the hole in my soul will be back, most likely forever.
If there is anything about this damn vestibulopathy that can get me majorly depressed it's the fact that I am not safe around horses anymore. Sure, I can *look* like I'm balancing normally, and sometimes I even walk fairly normally, but all it takes is a nudge from Spot requesting scratches and I'm staggering around like a newborn foal. The colt can just about knock me down by brushing against me, and Bambi actually has by laying her head on my shoulder and nuzzling in my hair. It's depressing as hell, especially when I do fall and the horse that caused it looks at me all worried and concerned.
Sometimes I think I'm doing pretty well, and that maybe we can keep Spot as a pasture ornament, so I go out there and do something that will stress my balance like try to lead Bambi over rough terrain. A few minutes of watching my balance over the terrain as well as watching it while holding a spunky 3 yr old mare reminds me of why I just can't keep horses anymore. It's Not Safe.
So by May 1 I'll be horseless. Mike has suggested going to horseshows or going to visit friends with horses on a fairly regular basis, but I've explained to him it's like being a junkie -- once you give it up you can't just go hang out at the shooting gallery anymore. I have to go cold turkey. Maybe in a year or so I'll be able to go with someone to shows and help groom, but right now that's too much -- I'd want to be grooming my horse to enter in the show.
I'm hoping one day to be coping well enough that I can get a dead broke bombproof mare or gelding to just putz around on at a walk. That would be wonderful. But that day is not today. And I have just got to learn to deal with it.
Luckily everyone has gone to people I know and trust, and who know my situation, so I'll get updates and pictures. The only one I'll likely lose contact with is Bambi; she's going to a 17 yr old girl who is going to work with a trainer and break Bambi herself. I've told her that Bambi can't be treated roughly in training, she has too much Arab in her and will get confused and frightened, then her brain will shut down. I hope she believes me, because treating Bambi roughly will ruin her.
Ah well, away with me. If I needed any further proof of how completely unsuited for horses I am now, I just need to reflect on the fact that I was so tired after the vet visit I took a nap for 3 hrs. Not from handling the horses so much, since I didn't, but from walking, standing, brushing them, and mostly holding my head still. It takes so much conscious effort to keep my balance. It's exhausting.
Lorri
If there is anything about this damn vestibulopathy that can get me majorly depressed it's the fact that I am not safe around horses anymore. Sure, I can *look* like I'm balancing normally, and sometimes I even walk fairly normally, but all it takes is a nudge from Spot requesting scratches and I'm staggering around like a newborn foal. The colt can just about knock me down by brushing against me, and Bambi actually has by laying her head on my shoulder and nuzzling in my hair. It's depressing as hell, especially when I do fall and the horse that caused it looks at me all worried and concerned.
Sometimes I think I'm doing pretty well, and that maybe we can keep Spot as a pasture ornament, so I go out there and do something that will stress my balance like try to lead Bambi over rough terrain. A few minutes of watching my balance over the terrain as well as watching it while holding a spunky 3 yr old mare reminds me of why I just can't keep horses anymore. It's Not Safe.
So by May 1 I'll be horseless. Mike has suggested going to horseshows or going to visit friends with horses on a fairly regular basis, but I've explained to him it's like being a junkie -- once you give it up you can't just go hang out at the shooting gallery anymore. I have to go cold turkey. Maybe in a year or so I'll be able to go with someone to shows and help groom, but right now that's too much -- I'd want to be grooming my horse to enter in the show.
I'm hoping one day to be coping well enough that I can get a dead broke bombproof mare or gelding to just putz around on at a walk. That would be wonderful. But that day is not today. And I have just got to learn to deal with it.
Luckily everyone has gone to people I know and trust, and who know my situation, so I'll get updates and pictures. The only one I'll likely lose contact with is Bambi; she's going to a 17 yr old girl who is going to work with a trainer and break Bambi herself. I've told her that Bambi can't be treated roughly in training, she has too much Arab in her and will get confused and frightened, then her brain will shut down. I hope she believes me, because treating Bambi roughly will ruin her.
Ah well, away with me. If I needed any further proof of how completely unsuited for horses I am now, I just need to reflect on the fact that I was so tired after the vet visit I took a nap for 3 hrs. Not from handling the horses so much, since I didn't, but from walking, standing, brushing them, and mostly holding my head still. It takes so much conscious effort to keep my balance. It's exhausting.
Lorri
